Effective Parenting Strategies for Parents of Children

with Disruptive Behavior Disorders

by
Marilyn Adams

The spectrum of Disruptive Behavior Disorders includes impulse control disorders such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder, and Tourette Syndrome. These disorders can be considered to be primarily disorders of neurological motivation. SPECT studies have demonstrated that the area of the brain which is responsible for motivation is affected. It is believed that the reward center of the brain is under stimulated, therefore there is a decreased sensitivity to rewards. As a result, in an individual with these types of neurobiological disorders, rewards are not as rewarding, and punishment is not as punishing. When an individual’s experience is not very rewarding, boredom results, and they become stimulation seeking and behavior problems are the result.

This is an extremely important concept for parents of children affected by these disorders to understand. These children frequently misbehave, and this misbehavior appears to be very intentional. However, this behavior is not necessarily intentional. These disorders can be thought of as a “garlic disorder”. Garlic does not offend the person who eats it, but it bothers everyone around them. These children are very unaware of their behavior and how it affects others.

Parenting these children presents a variety of problems. The parenting techniques used for most children are not especially effective with the behavior disordered child. Treating them in the normal way will not be effective, therefore parents and teachers must start doing something different with these children in order to survive with everyone’s self-esteem intact.

As a result of this decreased sensitivity to rewards the behavior disordered child frequently tunes the parent or teacher out because what they ask them to do is not rewarding. Eighty to ninety percent of what we ask children to do is not fun. Chores and homework are not going to satisfy the reward center in the brain, and your child will naturally make a choice to do what is more immediately rewarding. One of the main problems with these difficulties is a lack of productivity. It is important to think of this as a productivity disorder, unlike a learning disability which is a processing disorder. Of course learning disabilities frequently are a co-morbid condition associated with a behavior disorder.

We teach our children through modeling, language/lecturing, and consequences. With the child affected by one of the behavior disorders language/lectures is the least effective way to teach them. These children do not use their own language well to mediate, moderate, or modify their behavior. In other words, they lack the ability to “self-talk”. In addition they do not respond well to language/lectures from the environment (parents and teachers). The child with disruptive behavior disorder trains us to get louder and to become emotional, and the heightened stimulation satisfies the reward center, making them finally respond. As a result parents and teachers are trained into dealing with these kids in a very frustrated way.

Parents can be powerful agents of change with these children. Since it is not possible to create an environment which will accommodate these children, it is up to the parents to provide a portion of the foundation to help these children accommodate to this world along with their difficulties. Medication can sometimes be the cornerstone of treatment however, a foundation requires more than a cornerstone or it will crumble. These children do have some control over their behavior, and parents play a critical role in helping these children develop control. This is accomplished when parents learn, and utilize a variety of new strategies which foster this control.

Upping the Ante

These children possess a deficit in thinking and problem-solving. They make poor decisions, not necessarily because they are so impulsive they make them without thinking. It appears as if they do think, but not in the same way individuals without these difficulties think. Parents can be instrumental in developing their child’s problem-solving abilities and in helping them learn to consider the consequences of their actions.

With the idea in mind that there is a problem with the reward center of the brain, there are ways both parents and teachers can enhance the reward response. This is accomplished by “upping the ante”. This is accomplished by increasing the positives. It is essential to notice what you like ten times more than what you don’t like. Eighty to ninety percent of our communication tends not to be reinforcing. Therefore it is extremely important to make a conscious effort to notice what the child is doing that you like.

In order to increase the reward deficiency a technique called “hit and runs” is implemented. If a parent’s comments are consistently positive, the child is much more likely to pay attention. Hit and runs are performed in a very concrete manner, and it is essential to focus on no more than two behaviors. When you notice a behavior you like comment on it. Your comment must be specific and concrete; stating what their behavior is, and what you want to see more of. For example, when your child is simply sitting in front of the TV make the comment “Hey, you’re doing a nice job. I notice that you are sitting in the front of the TV not bothering anyone.” The use of language is most effective with these children when it is short, quick and positive.

Your comments must be merely an acknowledgment of the behavior rather than praise. The difference between acknowledgment and praise is that praise makes a value judgment. Praise has some kind of feeling, thought, or judgment in it (i.e., isn’t that a pretty picture, you’re being such a good boy, etc.). Acknowledgment is staying with the facts, and simply looking for just what the child is doing (i.e., I see you’re eating with your left hand). The behavior must be described so tightly that they can’t wiggle out of it. For example if you say, “I notice you have a blue shirt on,” there is virtually no way to argue with the fact that he is wearing a blue shirt. The purpose of stating the facts is twofold. With an oppositional child there is no way to argue the point and, after years of frustration, parents are often very angry and tend to undo the positive comment. For example, the comment “you’re sitting and doing your homework” could easily be negated by adding how come you didn’t do it yesterday?”

The following is a brief overview of parenting techniques proven helpful when dealing with the child affected by ADHD and other neuro-behavioral disorders.

When you notice a behavior you like, comment on it. Your comment must be specific and concrete; stating what their behavior is, and what you want to see more of. For example, when the child is simply sitting at their desk, make the comment “I notice that you are sitting where you are supposed to be sitting.” The use of language is most effective with the ADD child when it is short, quick and positive.

It is important when praising the child to acknowledge their pleasing behavior and state only the facts. Too frequently praise makes a value judgment. Praise has some kind of feeling, thought, or judgment in it (i.e., isn’t that a pretty picture, you’re being such a good boy, etc.). Acknowledgment is staying with the facts, and simply looking for just what the child is doing (i.e., I see you’re holding your pencil with the proper grasp). The purpose of stating the facts is twofold. With an oppositional child there is no way to argue the point and, after months of the frustration which builds up after dealing with this child in a classroom of 30 children, teachers are often very angry and tend to undo the positive comment. For example, the comment “you’re sitting and doing your schoolwork” could easily be negated by adding how come you didn’t do it yesterday?”

DEFINITION: A positive reinforcer follows a behavior and makes it more likely that the behavior it follows will occur again.

· Consistently (every time) after good behavior occurs when reward program is first started. When good behavior is occurring regularly, reinforcement can be less frequent.

3. Children lose interest in rewards, therefore rewards may need to be changed often

Redirection means changing the child’s focus of attention when they have lost control, or are about to lose control. It can be accomplished by physically moving the child to another place or suggesting another activity for them to do. Since redirection works best before a child has lost control, it is important to look for certain cues that tell you the child is about to lose control. Redirecting the child quickly, calmly, and unemotionally helps them to regain control before it is lost completely.

It is easier to prevent inappropriate behavior from occurring rather than to react to it once it has occurred. For the more aggressive child it may be appropriate to end their play period early, and to let them know that once they begin to behave appropriately, their play time will increase.

Since it may not always be possible to prevent frustrating situations, it may be necessary to use a time-out from stimulation by providing a safe place for them to until the child calms down.

If you can, try to redirect the child’s anger before they lose control by engaging them in art work, or music to soothe their anger. It might also be helpful to teach relaxation techniques to the entire group. Talk about how their bodies feel when they become angry (tense muscles, face is hot, breathing is rapid). Discuss alternatives to become angry (deep breathing, stating “I am so mad,” count to 10, jumping jacks, etc.).

Time-out means time out from positive reinforcement in order to reduce stimulation and give the child time to think.

3. Must sit in designated spot on a piece of paper; if they leave the paper their time starts over again.